Grandma's Tattoo: Practical Magic

I watched The Craft for the first time last night, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I want to blow all my money on crystals and candles and books on the magical properties of plants, which is probably unwise as I have at least two bills to pay in the next couple of weeks.

I went through a bit of a 'pagan phase' in school as part of my whole goth/ emo thing. I'm now very much an atheist, but I still really like paganism/ wicca. I like the aesthetic and I like the sense of being connected to everything. I never progressed beyond a superficial interest in the practice, but as I've gotten older I've developed a greater sense of connection with the universe. While I'm not religious, I do think of my self as a spiritual person.

There is no inherent meaning to the world; we just exist in it, as a part of it, and surrendering to that and accepting it as my truth has been incredibly freeing for me. It means I can focus on what is important to me, and not feel overwhelmed by the future and how significant I will be to the world, because the answer is that it doesn't matter.

Self-absorbed and selfish are not the same thing.

When I get down, as I have been lately, is when I think that feeling of connectedness becomes lost somehow and the balance goes out of things. It is comforting to think of the concepts of karma and of the universe keeping itself in check, and sometimes when bad things happen I tell myself it all balances out, but the last couple of weeks have made it difficult to maintain that optimism.

I've been wanting to blog more but it's been hard to think of anything to write about that isn't just how depressed I've been feeling. I think I'm on the up now, but I have to drag myself through a few more feet of hormones before I can be back to my usual, optimistic self.

I have several job applications to do this week. Hopefully something will come of them and I can support myself a little better. I also need to make more time for art, while also getting my assessment for uni done.

Mum told me I have too much time on my hands yesterday because I took the time to vote below the line. I'm pretty sure I don't have enough. Or I don't make enough? I would probably benefit from intensely scheduling my whole week, and not just having my uni timetable, but then social things and other stuff come up and I don't know when to start a schedule.

I turn 21 in a few weeks. I haven't decided what that means.

The world shall maintain balance. Something positive will come soon. Tony Abbott will badly stub his toe in public. It will all be ok.